The right toy for right now

How did you play as a child?

You had favourite toys and favourite games - but do you remember why you liked them?

Was it something about the toy or was it something about you?

It's the same for your child. Some toys are surefire winners; others go straight to the charity shop, unused and unloved.

There's a secret to what works and what doesn't but it has nothing to do with the toy itself.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Your child brings their own play preferences, patterns and personality to the table.

Pay attention to these and you'll always choose the right toy.

The 'Sporty One', 'The Brainy One' and 'The Little Scientist'

We do it all the time. We talk about our children and we give them a label:

• She's always running. She never stops.
• He's always got his head in a book.

But children are always becoming. Their identity is not fixed. When we label them too soon, we risk limiting what they believe they can do.

This article is about choosing the right toy - but really it's about learning to see our children for who they really are. By the end, you'll have some great ideas for your child's next birthday present but you'll also have a deeper insight into their personality and why that toy is such a good fit.

One Toy, Four Children, a Hundred Ways

We had a toy farm when my children were young. It sat on a low play table, with plenty of room for all four to kneel at its sides.

From afar, you might think they were collaborating on a shared story. Was it The Enormous Turnip, The Little Red Hen or Rosie's Walk? But take a step closer and you'll see four very different ways to engage with the same toy.

My second son lines up the wooden animals by size, then by color. He builds a perfect fence from blocks, creating orderly paddocks for each species. Every piece has its place.

His sister picks up the farmer and gives him a voice: "Welcome to Buttercup Farm! Today we're having a birthday party for Mrs. Pig." Soon, elaborate conversations unfold between characters, complete with plot twists and emotional drama.

The youngest fills a basket with animals, tips them out, fills it again. She's fascinated by the smooth texture of the wood, the satisfying thunk as pieces drop. Each animal gets a thorough examination – how does the tail feel? What happens when you roll it?

Meanwhile, my eldest is nowhere to be seen. Farms are infra dig. He has moved on. Only soldiers and knights will do.

Or will they...?

There is a way to entice him back. There's a line that connects castles to cows.

You just have to know where to look.

This is what happens when children's unique play dispositions meet the same set of toys – their individual blend of temperament, curiosity, learning style and current interests shaping how they play.

What Is a Play Disposition?

A disposition is an attitude.

What is your child's attitude to play?

It isn't one thing – it's a fascinating blend of factors working together:

• Learning dispositions – How do they approach challenges? Are they naturally curious? Do they persist when things get tricky? Are they playful with new ideas?
• Current interests – What captures their attention right now. Animals? Buildings? Stories? Movement?
• Schemas – What kinds of actions and movements are they driven to explore?
• Temperament – Are they naturally active or contemplative?

These layers combine uniquely in each child.

A Quick Quiz: What's Your Child's Play Disposition?

So far, so obvious.

All children are different.

But we're going somewhere with this. We want to know how to choose the right toy for our children.

Try this short quiz to explore the different elements shaping your child's play preferences.

1. How Involved Is Your Child?

Watch your child at play. Educational researcher Ferre Laevers identified five levels of involvement:

• No activity – Passive, distracted, or disengaged
• Interrupted activity – Fleeting interest but easily distracted
• Busy but superficial – Active but without real concentration or depth
• Involved – Shows clear focus, persistence, and emotional investment
• Deep involvement – Fully absorbed, intensely focused, and emotionally engaged

Involved or deeply involved? It's looking good. The activity is well matched to your child's developmental needs. If not, you've got some thinking to do. What other types of play might capture their attention?

2. How Does Your Child Approach Learning?

Margaret Carr identified learning dispositions that matter more than academic skills. Is your child:

• Taking Interest – Ready to engage with new ideas and activities
• Being Involved – Actively engaged with deep focus
• Persisting – Ready to continue when something is hard
• Communicating – Confident to share ideas and seek help
• Taking Responsibility – Caring for self, others, and environment

Make sure you offer your child the chance to explore all of these dispositions through play.

3. Do You Notice Any Repeating Patterns?

• Does your child love to throw, roll or drop things? It might be the trajectory schema at play
• Are they drawn to wrapping, hiding, or covering things? (Enveloping)
• Do they like lining things up or building long chains? (Connecting)

Schemas are systematic patterns children use to explore the world. They can explain behaviours that might otherwise seem random or repetitive.

4. Has Your Child Developed Favourite Types of Play?

• Do they always return to the same kind of play – pretend play, building, sensory activities?
• Are there play types they avoid entirely?

This may be a sign that they're "niche-picking" – choosing activities that match their natural tendencies. Sandra Scarr's research shows how children's genetic predispositions drive them to select settings that match their temperament. That's not a problem, but you might occasionally offer gentle nudges into less familiar territory.

The Right Toys for Different Play Dispositions

What do all the questions above have to do with choosing the right toy?

Toys can teach. The right toy gives our children the tools to take the next developmental step.

Here are the toys that best support different aspects of your child's development:

For Building Interest and Curiosity

Woodland animals and Animal Families draw children's attention naturally. There's something about wood that makes figures feel real – the satisfying clip clop when your wooden goat crosses the bridge, the echo that fills the room. You can't help but feel that the troll will leap out at any moment!

Dollshouses create multiple points of interest to explore. A simple wooden dolls house becomes a stage for countless scenarios, while multiple rooms and levels offer endless discoveries.

For Deep Involvement and Focus

Kitchen sets offer the perfect balance of complexity and familiarity. We bought our first play kitchen when my eldest was three. I imagined elaborate cooking scenarios, but instead I watched my sons drive toy cars along the "roads" around the sink edge, drop blocks into the oven to watch them land with satisfying thunks, and twist the dials endlessly – not to "cook" anything, but to explore the click-click-click mechanism. Long before they discovered the kitchen's intended use, they used it as a playground for schema play.

Building blocks and stackers require sustained focus to create stable structures. Shape sorters and stacking toys offer something screens can't: physical feedback. The resistance when pieces don't quite fit, the smooth slide when they do, the satisfying weight of wooden pieces.

For Persistence and Problem-Solving

Towers fall. And that's the point. Wooden blocks teach one of life's most important lessons: persistence through failure. Stack, tumble, rebuild. Each fallen tower is data: Was the base too narrow? Did I go too high too fast? Which blocks work better as foundations?

Activity Walkers have remarkable staying power because they adapt through developmental stages. At 6-12 months, a sturdy frame to pull up to standing. At 12-18 months, cruising support. At 18-24 months, cause-and-effect fun with dials and sliders. At 2-3 years, a trolley for transporting. At 3+ years, a police car, dump truck, or knight's charger.

For Communication and Social Play

Doll families provide ready-made characters with built-in relationships. Father, mother, sister, baby – each has a connection with the others. The stories have already been written: bossy big brothers and super-strict parents. We know them so well because they are the stories of how we came to be.

Role Play toys like ice cream carts come with a business degree. They teach math (making change, counting scoops), communication (taking orders, explaining flavors), and social skills (turn-taking, customer service) – but to your child, they're just running an ice cream shop.

For Organization and Responsibility

Storage solutions and nursery furniture might not seem inherently interesting, but they appeal to children who love to organise and create order. Play tables and chairs create dedicated spaces for focused activity, while storage steps with hidden compartments satisfy the child who loves to sort, hide, and arrange their treasures.

Wooden railways combine building with storytelling. Constructing the track is a spatial puzzle that develops planning and patience, while running the trains creates narratives about journeys and destinations.

Building on Strengths and Gentle Nudges

The key is the 80/20 rule: about 80% of toys should match your child's current interests, while 20% offer gentle stretches into new territory.

If she loves building, add characters to her block towers – suddenly the city needs people. If she's all about storytelling, try new themes: a market stall, a vet's clinic, a campsite. If she's always on the move, look for toys that combine action with thinking.

You're not changing who she is – you're just finding new ways for her to play with the world.

The Right Toy for Right Now

The "right" toy for your child isn't about age ranges or what's popular. It's the one that meets them where they are while opening doors to where they might go.

Trust your observations. Notice what captivates your child, what they return to again and again, what makes them lean in with focus and delight. Then honour those preferences while staying curious about what else might spark their interest.

Your child already knows how to play. They already know what calls to them and challenges them appropriately. The right toy simply gives them better tools to explore their world in their own unique way – while perhaps, gently, expanding what that world might include.

You already know your child better than any expert. Pay attention to their unique blend of curiosity, interests, and personality. That's the secret to always choosing toys that will be treasured, not abandoned.