Small conversations that matter: talking to toddlers about difference
Do toddlers notice skin colour? They certainly can. Research suggests that babies notice differences in skin tones within the first year of life – long before they have the words to ask us questions about what they're seeing.
October is both Black History Month and Global Diversity Awareness Month, making it a lovely time to think about how we talk about difference with our children and how we can help them grow up feeling comfortable in a wonderfully varied world.
Talking to toddlers about race, skin colour and other differences can sound like a big subject. But it doesn't have to be. In fact, some of the most useful conversations happen in very ordinary moments – while you're out shopping, reading a book together or playing with their favourite toys.
There’s no need to have all the answers. What matters is giving your child simple, positive ways to understand the people and world around them.
Here are five simple things you can do to talk to your toddler about difference, from the words you use to the books you choose and the toys you put in their toybox.
5 ways to talk to your toddler about difference
1. Describe differences simply
Children notice what they see, so there’s no need to pretend that differences aren't there.
If your toddler points out somebody's skin colour, you can simply describe it. Skin can be light, dark, white, pink, brown, black and every shade in between. Treat skin colour in much the same way you might talk about someone's hair or eye colour – as one of the many things that makes each person who they are.
The same principle can apply to other visible differences, too. Children may notice wheelchairs, glasses, hearing aids or cochlear implants. If it comes up naturally and is relevant to what you're doing, there's nothing wrong with answering their question honestly and simply.
The important thing is the tone you use. Difference doesn't need to sound like a problem that requires an explanation. It can simply be part of the description.
2. Don't be embarrassed
We’ve all experienced that moment when a toddler announces something loudly and unexpectedly in public.
“Why is that man's skin brown?”
Possibly in the middle of a very quiet supermarket aisle.
Your first instinct might be to hush them up, particularly if you're worried about embarrassing the other person. But rather than shutting the conversation down, this can actually be a useful opportunity to give your child a straightforward answer.
You might say something as simple as:
“People have lots of different skin colours, just like people have lots of different hair colours.”
There's no need for a long explanation. Your child has noticed something, asked a question and learned something about the world.
And try not to be embarrassed by their curiosity. They're doing exactly what toddlers do – looking, noticing, asking questions and trying to understand what they see.
3. Make storytime diverse
Now take a look at your bookcase.
What kind of people appear in the stories you read together?
Books are one of the easiest ways to introduce toddlers to a world that is bigger than their own immediate experience. Look for stories featuring people with different skin tones, abilities, cultures and family structures. The more naturally children encounter difference in the stories they love, the more familiar it becomes.
You don't need every book to be “about” diversity either. Some of the best examples are simply stories where different kinds of people are there – getting on with life, having adventures, being funny, curious, brave or mischievous.
One Day So Many Ways by Laura Hall, illustrated by Loris Lora is a lovely example. It explores the everyday lives of children around the world, from what they eat for breakfast to how they travel to school.
For younger children, My Say Hello Book by Threadbear Publishing introduces little ones to the idea of saying hello in different languages. It's a soft cloth book made for tiny hands, making it an easy way to start exploring the idea that the world is full of different languages and cultures.
If you're building a diverse bookshelf, the Little People, Big Dreams series by Maria Isabel Sánchez Vegara is another great place to start. The series introduces children to the lives of inspiring people from history and today, with board book editions that work particularly well for younger children.
You can discover stories about people including Maya Angelou , Rosa Parks and Frida Kahlo, alongside many other remarkable people.
The Girls and The Boys by Lauren Ace, illustrated by Jennie Løvlie, follow groups of friends as they grow, explore and experience life together. Their personalities, appearances and talents are all different, but their friendships bring them together.
4. Have a simple phrase ready
This one's less about what you say to your child and more about what your child hears you say.
We can't always control the comments, conversations or opinions that children hear around them. At some point, your toddler may hear someone say something unkind, discriminatory or confusing about another person.
When that happens, they will be listening to your response.
Having a simple phrase ready can help you respond calmly rather than trying to think of the perfect thing to say in the moment.
Something as straightforward as:
“Everyone's different, and that's a good thing.”
A few simple words can make quite an impression.
Your child hears you making it clear that difference is nothing to be ashamed of and that treating people kindly matters. There doesn't need to be a big lecture or dramatic conversation.
And don't be surprised if, somewhere down the line, you hear your own words coming back at you.
5. Provide a variety of toys
Children often gravitate towards toys that look familiar to them. Seeing themselves reflected in their toys can be reassuring and meaningful, but it's equally valuable to give children opportunities to play with characters who look different from them.
Dolls are particularly useful here because they become people in a child's imaginary world. They can be friends, siblings, parents, babies, teachers, shopkeepers or simply whoever your child decides they are that day.
A toybox containing diverse dolls with different skin tones gives children the freedom to create all sorts of families and stories – while making difference a normal part of everyday play.
You can discover more in our article Diverse Dolls for a Diverse World.
Or browse our collection of diverse dolls:
Diverse sustainable dolls house dolls
25cm poseable dolls with different skin tones
Tiny diverse dolls with big personality
None of this needs to be perfect…
There isn't a magic script for talking to toddlers about difference.
Children learn about the world through hundreds of little moments – a question in the supermarket, a character in a book, a conversation at nursery, a person they meet or a doll they choose to play with.
Those small moments all add up.
Choosing books that show different people, offering toys that reflect a diverse world and being thoughtful about the language we use can help children grow up understanding that difference isn't something to fear or avoid.
It's simply part of being human.
And perhaps the best thing we can give our children is the confidence to notice difference, ask questions, celebrate what makes people unique and understand that there is room for everyone in their wonderfully diverse world.
